"Warning: this book will make you a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend." —Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Potential
Unlock the secret to true and lasting change.
We all spend a lot of energy trying to get people to listen to us, and despite our best efforts, we often fail. But what if the secret to influencing others was to demonstrate acceptance?
Enter validation—communication where one accepts and sees the validity in another person’s experience. Research on validation shows that it has profound effects, from improving relationships and de-escalating conflicts to increasing one’s influence and self-compassion. In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck explores how validation’s unique ability to demonstrate acceptance while fostering change makes it one of psychotherapy’s best-kept secrets. More importantly, she takes us step-by-step through eight skills we can use to communicate validation and experience its power firsthand.
Full of captivating stories, laugh-out-loud moments, and actionable takeaways, Validation reveals how the science of seeing and being seen is the key to inner and interpersonal transformation.
“As an engineer, I appreciate when complex human dynamics can be broken down into practical, actionable steps. Dr. Fleck has done exactly that with validation—a skill that, when mastered, becomes nothing short of a superpower. It’s like gaining access to a cheat code for human interaction—one that actually works. Whether you’ve got more of an engineering mindset that appreciates clear frameworks or are simply looking to improve your relationships, Validation delivers results while keeping you thoroughly entertained along the way.”
—Mark Rober, founder of CrunchLabs
“Dr. Caroline Fleck reminds us that being present, listening, suspending judgment, and really hearing someone is the greatest gift we can give or receive. There is such magic in validation, and Dr. Fleck shines a light on something that can enliven our sense of possibility and self.”
—Dr. Ramani Durvasula, New York Times bestselling author of It’s Not You
“Profound, important, compassionate, Validation took my breath away. I can’t remember the last time I read a book as beautifully crafted and immediately useful. Author Caroline Fleck shares research-backed wisdom that can help you transform the most important relationships in your life—at work and at home.”
—Amy C. Edmondson, Novartis Professor of Leadership, Harvard Business School, and author of Right Kind of Wrong
“Validation is a vital skill for fostering real connections and inner resilience. For the first time, we have a clear and practical self-help guide for bringing this often underdeveloped skill into your everyday life. By fostering mindfulness, understanding, and empathy this book will benefit anyone seeking to build more compassionate relationships—starting with oneself. Highly recommended.”
—Steven C. Hayes, originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
“Offering validation is a simple intention that can be frustratingly hard to do well—even after being a psychotherapist for more than twenty years. Caroline Fleck powerfully translates this core concept into a specific set of skills that you can start to apply immediately.”
—Seth Gillihan, author of Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
“Caroline Fleck’s Validation is a masterclass in empathy and connection. Her blend of personal anecdotes and practical advice offers readers a roadmap to transforming their relationships and emotional well-being.”
—Sue Varma, author of Practical Optimism
“Caroline has done an incredible job of researching and extending my mom’s work on validation. Her brilliant new model provides a well-resourced, practical, and much-needed guide to help anyone excel at the art of validation.”
—Geraldine Rodriguez, daughter of Dr. Marsha Linehan, developer of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Caroline Fleck, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, corporate consultant, and Adjunct Clinical Instructor at Stanford University. She received a B.A. in psychology and English from the University of Michigan, followed by an M.A. and PhD from the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke. Caroline has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous clinical training programs in the country. She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and HuffPost. In her private practice, Caroline works with adults, adolescents, and couples. She specializes in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and other cognitive behavioral treatments for mood, anxiety, and personality disorders. Caroline’s corporate work focuses on strengthening company cultures and individual performance. She implements custom training programs for Fortune 500 companies and provides executive coaching to industry leaders worldwide.
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